![]() ![]() However, dopamine helps make it less tiring.Įxtroverts have a more active dopamine reward system, according to DeYoung, and it’s built-in. As a result, they can better tolerate - and often overcome - the tiredness that inevitably accompanies socializing. Technically, socializing is tiring for everyone, even extroverts. For example, dopamine alerts the extrovert to the attractive woman at the party and gives him the motivation and focus to think of a cheesy pick-up line.Īnother helpful thing that dopamine does is it reduces our “cost of effort.” Socializing expends energy because it involves paying attention, listening, thinking, talking, and moderating your reactions. One of its jobs is to make us see rewards and to want to get them. Found in the brain, dopamine has been dubbed the “feel good” chemical because it helps control our pleasure and reward centers. The Dopamine DifferenceĬhemically, there’s a good reason the introvert in the above scenario feels overwhelmed, and it has to do with a neurotransmitter called dopamine. In his own apartment, with just one other person, the level of stimulation feels just right. So, the introvert heads home early, where he watches a movie with his roommate. Sure, he wants to make friends, fit in, and to be liked too, but these “rewards” just aren’t as tantalizing to him. It’s too loud, there are too many things going on to pay attention to, and all the people in the room create a dizzying buzz of activity. Now back to our introvert - see him over there, hunkered in the corner? For him, this environment simply feels like it’s too much. He’s worn out the next day and needs some time to recover (partying is hard work, after all), but to him, the energy spent was well worth it. ![]() He feels so motivated, in fact, that he parties late into the night. So, the extrovert feels energized and excited to be at the party. Most important, tonight is a chance to elevate his social status within his group, that is, if he makes all the right moves. He sees potential rewards everywhere - an attractive woman across the room, old relationships to be deepened, and new friends to be made. A dozen conversations are going on at once, along with a dozen things to pay attention to.įor the extrovert, this level of stimulation may feel just right. Everyone is practically shouting to make their voice heard over the din. They’re crammed into a room with lots of people, and loud music blasts from huge speakers. Take, for example, two friends - one an extrovert, the other an introvert - at a house party. Subscribe to our newsletter and you’ll get one email, every Friday, of our best articles. And that brings me to another reason why introverts love alone time: They react differently to stimulation. In fact, as any introvert can tell you, sometimes those “rewards” aren’t just less tantalizing - they’re actually tiring and annoying. It’s like extroverts see big, juicy steaks everywhere, while introverts mostly see overcooked hamburgers. Compared to the more outgoing among us, we “quiet ones” are simply less motivated and energized by these same rewards. However, researchers believe that introverts are wired to respond differently to rewards than extroverts do. Of course, introverts care about things like money, relationships, and food, too. When you get promoted at work or convince an attractive stranger to give you his or her phone number, you’re earning a reward. For adults, rewards are things like money, social status, social affiliation, and even sex and food. No, I’m not talking about the gold foil stars you earned in grade school (although it could be argued that stickers are indeed a reward for kids). He explained that one of the reasons introverts love alone time has to do with how we respond to rewards. When writing my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts, I spoke with Colin DeYoung, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota who had recently published a paper on introversion. Why do introverts love being alone? And why does socializing so easily exhaust our energy? Research has some interesting answers. Or, if it’s really bad, my brain turns into a slow-loading computer, and I feel like I can’t even think or make decisions. Sometimes I mentally spiral downward, becoming anxious and depressed. Every little annoyance becomes magnified, and I get frustrated with the people around me for no good reason. If you’re an introvert, is there anything better than time to yourself to relax and recharge?Īnd, like many introverts, when I don’t get healthy solitude, I feel stressed and tired. Often, when I find myself unexpectedly alone - like when my significant other has plans with his buddies - I feel giddy. It also means, by definition, that I love spending time alone. ![]() As an introvert, I prefer books to parties and meaningful conversation to small talk. ![]()
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